I met a woman who had recently divorced her husband of more than forty years. I heard her say she just couldn’t take anymore of the verbal abuse she had endured for all those years. She could never do anything right. The constant criticism finally took its toll. Less than a year later I was working her estranged husband’s funeral. Who was most devastated by his passing? She was. I wondered if she felt guilty for leaving him and how cruel it was that even in death his abuse came back hit her one more time.

My heart goes out to people who live in such awful circumstances. Physical abuse is a terrible thing but the wounds of verbal abuse endure long after flesh has healed. How can we be so cruel as to emotionally beat up on people who crave our adoration? Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me? Nothing hurts like a wounded spirit. This is a pain that will not go away.

My dad was a bad tempered man whose life was controlled by liquor. He gave me some pretty severe spankings. No, he whipped me good. There were times he would call me to him as he sat on the couch and then kick me across the room. He would hit me on top of the head with the clippers when I wouldn’t hold completely still for a haircut. I remember hearing my dad say that I was bound to wind up in jail before I was sixteen. He left my life when I was seven but my self esteem was pretty well wrecked by then. When I grew to be a teenager and old enough to blow it in some things, it just seemed natural. My daddy’s words were prophetic. He said I was bound for no good. I recovered well but not until the course of my life was set by low expectations instilled in me by the words of my father. I don’t blame my parents for my own failures but a little encouragement would have left me with fewer regrets.

When I became a father I began to learn a little about my own impatience and I blew it as a dad many times. I was too strict and my temper won out too often. But I am thankful to have had the sense to try to protect my children’s self-esteem. My wife and I were always careful not to say or even insinuate they were inept in any way. Even so, if I could do it over again, I would practice more positive reinforcement. I would say I love you and am proud of you in every way possible to my children. I would explain why I said no and would apologize when I wronged them. I would learn to be soft. I wouldn’t allow frustration to deprive my children of the best dad they could have.